Some thoughts on mentoring
I've never had a mentor. I've never been a mentor. And yet I am constantly mentored and mentoring. So are you.
I spent several years trying to hunt down and establish formal mentoring relationships. It never worked. After a while I gave up trying and, six months later, I made a discovery: I already had mentors; I simply hadn't noticed or appreciated them.
A mentor is someone who influences and advises you. I had interpreted mentor to mean someone at least ten years older than me who I met with for an hour every week. When I broadened my understanding of mentoring I realised I was surrounded by them. Friends, colleagues, family members, authors, and speakers; they were all influencing and advising me in different ways.
At this point I made another important discovery: there are good and bad influencers! If we are going to grow into the people we were made to be, we need to choose wisely who we allow to influence and guide us.
Mentoring came to life for me when I chose to specifically allow certain people (some who I knew personally, others simply through their books and teaching) to impact and shape me as a person. I chose to actively embrace their mentoring rather than passively being moulded by anyone and everyone around me.
Formal mentoring relationships may happen for us at various stages in our lives but, when we don't have that, we mustn't let that get in the way of others mentoring us in less formal ways. We all need people around us who cheer us on and support us - and we must do the same for others - but if we keep waiting for 'the one' special mentoring relationship, we could be disappointed.
Mentoring happens best when it's natural and not forced. Simply grabbing a coffee with someone now and then who you want to learn from (or influence) can be all it takes. And if you're buying the coffee there's even less likelihood they'll decline! But, I'll be honest, most mentoring won't take place during that coffee; it'll take place as you proactively decide to watch and learn from their lives.
- Who are the people around you who you could embrace their influence and advice more actively?
- Is there someone you could take out for a coffee this week and learn from them and invite them to give you counsel?
- Are there people around you who you could take a more active role in supporting, encouraging, and influencing?
Comments (4)
I agree with everything that you have said. I have a blog that's called The Invisible Mentor, who is a unique leader you can learn things by observing them from a distance. Some of my best mentors have been book, because of their messages. Martha Southgate, a writer, call those books that we learn from paper mentors. I conduct many interviews and post them on the blog, and I learn so much from the interviewees and am constantly being mentored by them. Great post! Avil
Many of them "write" to me and I follow them through the things they share, and learn from them. Some are people I really know, and I hope that, in different ways, I can let them know this, so they can be encouraged in the things they are exploring.
By the way, keep exploring.
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